Most single men spend more time thinking of nail polish remover than the environments of their own homes. Even now, I sleep on a faux-leather futon I bought at Walmart. I still tell people that I could sleep on a flight of stairs so long as I get at least 5 hours a night.
For such men as myself, “home” is where ever you go to grab some sleep, wolf down take-out and peep a good flick or the big game when time permits. We don’t need pictures on the walls, matching towel sets, dishes, dining tables, curtains or electric air fresheners. When family threatens to visit, we encourage them to check Airbnb or Hotels.com. Before I daddy’d up, my dad came to New York to celebrate my graduation from college. After a night on the town, we hit up a 24-hour Sleepy’s to order him a bed for delivery sometime after sun-up.
It’s utterly ridiculous how most men live without the influence of a woman. The term “caveman”, thousands of years after it actually applied to real life, retains more than some relevance today.
Kids really screw up that marvelously simple dynamic. They actually benefit from what some consider the comforts of home. A newly single dad must address this concern.
Home decor is a time-consuming, complex and expensive endeavor. While I don’t dare pretend to have this issue resolved in my own world, I am perfectly comfortable suggesting IKEA as a go-to destination for guys looking to make a “home” as most understand the word. Yes, you need to be handy to some degree in order to put their stuff together, but IKEA focuses on selling rooms rather than pieces or sets, and for men inexperienced with home-making, this is invaluable.
Alas, furniture is just the beginning of the home-making oddysey. Next is the challenge of “nick nacks”. A furnished home is a wonderful start…especially if a color scheme is involved! But without those stupid nick nacks, your home will give off the vibe of a doctor’s waiting room, only with less warmth. Your only options here are to consult decorating magazines or (gasp) get yourself a girlfriend. You don’t stand a chance on your own. Old sports trophies, lava lamps and smoke-stained bongs do not lend credibility to a man’s identity as a single parent. Bro, you will need help here. I know I do!