Defending Dads

You're doing your jobs. You and your kids deserve better.

The Simplicity of Transparency

There were two cars in my driveway last night. This morning, there was one. Collateral is beginning to disappear. Not a good sign.

When I noticed the missing car, I didn’t bat an eyelash. I had fallen behind on the note and the bank did what it had to do; nothing to be done.

September was an active month with the cleaning out of my grandmother’s apartment. October, however, has been a waiting month with hearings and their resultant decisions, hence I’ve watched the phone and the mailbox. The results haven’t been great, but as usual, I take the blows, heal up and get back at it. Now that I have the answers I’ve been waiting for, I can move forward.

Under normal circumstances I’d go into detail, but I know that all eyes that fall upon these texts are not friendly. I’m not a secretive person, but for now, my plans must remain my plans.

At the heart of my secret plans is significant self-determination and, paradoxically, complete transparency. There will be an unveiling of my intentions and actions before concerned parties, but no call for subterfuge.

At some point, the truth must prevail. Not only have I consistently told the truth, I have slowly collected evidence. More than that, I’ve done my part to garner support while not responding to petty provocations. Sticking to the facts might be old-fashioned, but it’s a gamble I am willing to take. After all, my kids are watching.

I’ve always preached to them the power of truth, but I gotta admit truth has taken one heck of a beating over the course of this divorce. No more. I am sick and tired of losing what I have worked so hard to earn for them and for myself. The bleeding stops here.

Lack of finances has forced me to research online how best to help my cause. Fortunately, a number of programs exist to help men in my situation. The challenge is wading through the plethora of information available. For example, a Google search for “emergency help” reveals a number of paid ads attached to “.com” addresses (a tell that such links are commercial come-ons) before the appearance of “.org” addresses, not all of which are legitimate. Nevertheless, “.org” is generally the way to go.

I am preparing myself to, yet again, face the bureaucrats sans personal, professional advice. In the past, this would not be a problem. However, this time, the stakes are much higher, the opposition never so motivated.

Of course, the personal bias of any bureaucrats or court officers involved is a factor, but I will keep coming back with the truth as long as there is a mechanism by which to deliver it.

My motivating factor is love for my children and the wish to teach them a way of life less complicated by distortions of fact and more dependent on faith and trust in others who have earned these. Haven’t we all seen enough of what secrets, duplicity and lies do to families?


How Did Things Get This Way?


Excerpt from Damned Good Sense


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